It’s often said that there are many kinds of love – and there are- and that to be in love is different from just loving. Well, I choose to change that. Ultimately, it is my intention, my preference if you will, to offer unconditional love all across the board.
As I explore exactly what that means I have bumped into many rather unattractive places within my own self, places I rather wish were not there at all. Yet I have to face the fact that indeed they do exist. And if I am to be true to my own self I must own up to all that I have created in my life and change that which no longer fits me- like an old dress that I inherited, and wore, but no longer wish to clothe myself with.
So in my choice to be extending unconditional love, it means I must consciously exist in love all the time. Thus I am being truthful when I say, “I am in love”.
I am deeply in love with all the beautiful beings that have offered their assistance, support, good wishes and prayers for both Robert and me as we journey deeper into this experience called ‘cancer treatment.’ I am in love with those of you who stopped by yesterday at the chemo center and added your support to assist us in getting through the day, to each of the precious friends who have allowed me to have a moment’s cry upon your shoulder (because I needed it).
I am in love with the sweet ladies at the treatment center who gently attend to my partner with such dignity and grace, and who keep me informed and up to date. I am utterly amazed at the genuine care and sweet tenderness that is shared all around, from my tennis girlfriends to the clerks in Trader Joes, or the baristas at Starbucks. How I love you all!
The meals, the rides, the calls, the Facebook notes – all of them have touched me and I fall deeper in love each day. Please know that my life is being lived moment to moment right now – I cannot extent myself much further than that, so I hope you can feel what I am offering, because this is all I can focus on. My attention needs to be here, now.
I love you~
Update on Robert:
Yesterday’s chemo treatment was preceded by several days of intense challenge. Half way through the day yesterday he finally relaxed and allowed himself to let go. Last night was as restful as could be, considering. Today he has been queasy, but his spirits are higher than they have been for some time. I think that the thought of repeating chemo was quite taxing for him – understandably - and he sank deep into despair for a while there. Hopefully this weekend will not be as challenging as the last post-treatment one was. At least we have an idea of what to expect this time through.
Robert’s birthday is on Monday Jan 2nd. It might not be our finest or most exciting New Year’s or birthday weekend, but I am sure it will remain in our memory banks forever!
Here’s wishing you a beautiful holiday weekend and a spectacular 2012. I know there is so much to come!
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