Tears come so frequently and so suddenly. Sometimes I forget to breathe, and then I have to remind myself to take deep long breaths and allow myself to feel it all. To let Love wash over me and through me, to forgive myself for anything or any time that I might have behaved in a way that was ultimately trying to protect myself from feeling…
This a.m. we met with the ear, nose and throat specialist to get the full lowdown on what’s happening. I say full, but it never is. It’s always just another step, another bout of terrifying news. So the overall diagnosis is stage 4 squamous cell carcinoma. There is a tumor on his tongue and at least one in his neck, in the lymph node. It will require both chemo and radiation, and we’re not sure if surgery is going to be done. There are a couple of options that will be discussed in more depth after Dr. Torchinsky (sorry I may have his name wrong, but it is a long one) presents the findings of another biopsy – to be performed this week- to the specialist board on this type of situation. In the meantime Dr. T has gathered his team- Dr. Christine Rice, oncologist and Dr. Damian Gordon, radiologist- and he is moving forward quickly as possible because of the lateness of this discovery.
The overall outlook seems to be that things will begin to get moving in a couple of weeks. They want to be absolutely sure of what they are dealing with. He said in all honestly it’ll be really rough. Robert will have to have a feeding tube in him for some time – even before the treatment, and he is concerned about his present weight. (You know Robert – always so slim and trim!) So we have to get weight on him a.s.a.p. What a change to go to the grocery store and instead of looking for low fat to do the opposite! Once radiation begins he will not be able to eat for a long time, as his throat will be closed up. I think the most difficult thing for Robert to hear, next to the feeding tube, which really hit hard, was that surfing will be off his radar for at least a year…
On the bright side, we have found a house just a ½ block from our Johnson Ave home, which is rented. That makes it very convenient for us both, as so many friends are close by. Thank you Dave Peterson!!
I know this all comes as a shock to you, believe me, I know! And truly, I am at a loss for words with it all, but so many of you have been asking and offering assistance. We are so deeply touched by the outpouring of love and support. Thank you all.
We both know that the one thing above all else that will help us to get through this is love, deep heartfelt love. So we both ask that you take moments throughout the day and just breathe in love. Fill your heart with sweet golden love. Love yourself. When you touch that beautiful place within it will automatically flow out to us, to everyone who ever has or ever will need it. Because in Truth, we are all connected. Even with all the procedures that lay ahead of us, we would like to treat it with love, and your assistance is so gratefully accepted.
I will continue to post updates on this blog. Feel free to pass it on to anyone who might wish to help or be helped.
From the bottom of our hearts, thank you for everything and for loving.
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