Catching Up

 These past 5 months have been otherworldly. They have been so filled with doctors, medicines, and issues of survival that I have pushed aside most other things hoping to pick them up again later. Well, now is later.

Dream Board, artist and copyright, Jill Mollenhauer

I’ve missed writing, expressing the depths of my soul. (Gosh I’ve missed lots of things, eating out being one of them!) But now that Robert is on the ‘get healthy’ side of this experience and little by little he’s able to participate in life, I find myself with the opportunity to do these things once again. Only this time I choose to do them more consciously.

I have been using this space for updates on his condition, seemingly putting aside the whole reason for this blog – the journey. I was just so tired I couldn’t expend the energy to dive in deeper and write. However so much has opened up during all this that I haven’t even been able to process it all yet. There is so much to say that, try as I may, I can’t seem to put it all together cohesively. The words keep piling up upon one another and my writing is off in yet another direction before I know it! What has showed itself to me surprises me, and yet not at all. So many truths kept hidden from my own self…. Look for more on all this soon.

Until then, a last update on Robert:


His last treatment was Jan 30^th, so it’s been over a month now and he’s looking much better. We’ve been informed by the doctors that the radiation continues to do its work for 3 months, so this would explain the ups and downs that he constantly feels. One day good, one day rotten. To say that he finds it disheartening would be an understatement. Those of you who know him and how physically active he likes to be can surely appreciate this.

We went to 2 doctors last week and each expressed joy at how well the treatment seems to have worked, but until the PET scan is done in April nothing can be said for sure. Of the 25 pounds lost, as of yesterday 10 had returned. Yeah! Although it is still challenging for him to swallow (it hurts tremendously) he is making himself intake food via mouth so that his system can recover faster. We’ve gotten masterful at smoothies and soups. The feed tube still gives him over ½ his daily calories and it can’t be removed until his weight has returned and he can swallow without difficulty. They say that could be anywhere between 3 months to 1 year. (Knowing him and his passion for surfing I would venture that he’ll be on the lower end of the scale if he has anything to do with it!)

His strength is returning and we go to the gym almost every other day. Sleep still plays a big part of the healing process and 10 -13 hours a day is not unusual. The toughest part of it all is keeping his spirits up. He gets frustrated so often, expecting more from his body, when it truth it seems to need more love.

We’re not really out and about yet as socializing can still be challenging for him. Each day brings some hurdles and some heights. It seems to be a matter of reminding ourselves to love and appreciate ourselves for exactly where we are right now, regardless of what the appearance is. We began the whole process saying we wanted to treat it with love. We might not have always been successful at that, but I know that it is still of paramount importance. Always.

For further more in-depth progress report on Robert may I suggest check in with his FaceBook page. He tries to update every now and then. In the meantime I have lots of catching up to do!

See you soon~