Update and Overview

Goodness but it has been a long visit to San Diego! We left Baja on Oct 6, 2011, and now, in a couple of weeks, we’re finally headed back. I could say, ‘What a long strange trip it’s been,’ and in a sense that would be true, yet it wouldn’t even begin to encompass the whole of it….. Many lessons have been clarifying themselves now that the cancer treatment has ended. Robert is doing so well and life is truly beginning again.

Just a couple of days ago Robert was interviewed for a book about people who have been through trauma. As I sat in the room and just listened, the depths of the questions astounded me, as did his answers. Beautiful thought provoking questions like “How did this journey affect your body, mind, emotions and spiritual perspective?” and “What did you let go of, accept or change?” I found myself silently answering the questions.  That’s when I began to realize how much I have gained through it all.

Our neighbor Charlie who has had a myriad of such journeys once said to me that he highly recommends to anyone that they go through a near death experience – provided they can do so without dying. (He has been a profound teacher and support through these last 8 months, not to mention that he keeps my spirits up.) You can’t travel this path without making significant changes – at least not from what I have experienced. As the primary care giver, I found that one of my most significant lessons was to face the fear. I was continuously reminding myself to turn around and walk right into it. That way I wouldn’t be hiding. And if it was going to bite me, it wasn’t going to be in the butt; I was going to see it. That didn’t mean I wasn’t scared, or lonely, or overwhelmed. No, at times I was all this and more, but it sure helped me to see more clearly and it allowed me to ask for help. Lesson #2.

Letting go of the idea that asking for help shows vulnerability, and instead embracing that vulnerability allowed me to continue putting one foot in front of the other and finish the walk. I wasn’t brave, but I did have courage. Courage, from the Latin co (meaning heart) was first defined in the English language as, ‘to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart’. I like that definition. The response was tremendous. Love poured in from avenues I didn’t even know existed.

Brene Brown gave a TED talk The Power of Vulnerablility in which she said that the world’s happiest people have the courage to be imperfect, that they embrace their vulnerability, and ‘what makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful’. The willingness to be open and heart-full is a great strength – exactly the opposite that you might think. There is suppleness to it, a flow; it is magnificent. And it opens up to gratitude. (But that’s another blog altogether!)

Our house - Punta Abreojos, BCS

I know more insights will show up. I look forward to each one. For now I revel in how we have grown, what I am still learning and what is yet to come.

We hope to be leaving for home in the next couple of weeks, as soon as some paperwork clears. I want to thank everyone once again for all your prayers, good wishes and all the life-giving support that you have offered! I promise to let you know what Baja has in store for us as soon as we get there.

With deep love and appreciation~