I am standing by the water’s edge, looking out across the bay at the raw beauty that is Baja, my home for the time being. The sun is shining on the water, deep blue and turquoise; the breeze is still pleasantly light and each day I discover something new. (Yesterday it was badgers borrowing into the beach sand to stay cool, and the day before that, scorpions!)There is such abundance, such earth connectedness. I am drawn in by some unseen force that beckons me deeper and deeper still.I ask myself why I waited so long to leave my hometown and I know there are many answers, layers deep. I am willing to look at all the reasons. Much of it comes down to fear of the unknown, but really, isn’t life full of unknowns? So often we think that if we put ourselves into a routine we’ll have control, but we know that isn’t really true. How many times has that been disproved by surprises? The old saying, ‘At least I know what I’ve got’ is a very limiting point of view!
A teacher I once knew shared, “If you find yourself saying, ’I should this and I should that’, you’re just shoulding all over yourself!” While another deeply respected teacher and friend advises, ‘I can and I will!’ So here I am, enjoying the beauty of nature all around me, free of schedules and traffic, should-do’s and obligations.
That is not to say that I am not creating. Heavens no! Each day I continue to create a bit of paradise right here in each thing I do. Yes, I am currently painting the exterior doors of the casita, not my most pleasurable task, but I sure like the results. (3 aqua, 1 deep turquoise. Can’t wait to get the house paint down here and the walls done!) And I still have chores that I prefer to get accomplished, like sweeping and house cleaning, but then I go off to my studio next door and spend hours lost in canvas, paint and paper. And there’s beach walks, swimming (the water is about 73 degrees now), trips into town, books to read, and well, the days just pass by so quickly…….
But I think one of the most beautiful lessons that I am learning here is I can. If I can dream it, I can do it. I can go anywhere; I am not limited by anything other than my own beliefs. Letting go of the need to please others, to ‘fit in’, to be someone/something that I am not has given me a freedom I never fully appreciated until now. When I deeply explore it, so much of how I have lived my life has been predicated on the belief that I had to behave a certain way in order to be loved. But when I look even deeper, I find that I am love, so I need not look for it any place else.
And thus I am free in Unconditional Love.
Sigh……
xxoo
Sand, multi media on canvas, 24" x 48"
Artist and copyright Jill Mollenhauer 2011
for more information www.jillmollenhauer.com
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