Connecting

We gird ourselves. Layers of protection are spread across our bodies in the hopes that we will remain untouched. And yet that is exactly what we want most – to touch and be touched, to feel our connection to one another, to the Earth, the stars, to Life. Witness Michelangelo’s ‘Creation of Adam’ celebrating God’s touch with humankind. Or ET’s reaching out and touching his young friend. How celebrated that visual of reaching out to connect has been!

We are beings of connection, on many levels, from deep within, to the surface expression of sexual joining. We love it, we adore it.

So why the multiple layers of protection? Why have we piled on all these layers of seeming protection from that which we so deeply desire? Where did we decide that to be connected was threatening?

As I explore my own self I am continuously amazed at where I have layered myself with these ideas of protection. Like a football player who dons his uniform of extensive padding, I have carried this armor unaware. I have approached things like a warrior, ready to strike out if I felt threatened. I learned and accepted that it was necessary for survival. Now if I look deeply and honestly I can feel the spaces in my body where I have clenched to protect and ultimately to separate.

‘Is this truly necessary, or even desired?’ I ask myself. Do I really want to go about life with all this extra heavy ‘equipment’ strapped upon my body, weighing me down, hiding me and ultimately tiring me out, only to leave my body aged and frail?

What if I just let go?

What if I stand naked, lighter, unashamed and free of all the trappings of protection? After all, the closest thing we share is breath. And I certainly can’t – nor want to – cut myself off there. It sustains my body! Every breath I take has been circulated around the globe to be shared by billions of people, animals, plants and the like. It is our connection to one another. It is a cycle that was formed to remind us of our oneness, to feed and clear one another, to connect us at the Source level.

I am finding the process of divestiture to be very liberating, very freeing and very sweet. Conscious breath is just the beginning, but it is so cleansing! My choice to express as Jill – not as any family member or societal dictum would have it – is crucial to my blossoming. So what if it has taken me 50-something years to do this, what an adventure it is! The weight is already lifting.

Oh, Good Morning!

Oh, good morning! How are you? Forgive me please, I had not meant to be away for so long. Things have just gotten busy, and well, that is really about the only excuse I have. But I have missed you! I adore these moments of sharing, of opening up and really expressing. You are so appreciated.

Yes, the last month has been quite full, what with leaving Baja for a visit to the States. We stayed in San Diego for a week to get appointments taken care of, and then jetted off to Hawaii for 2 weeks. (One of which was spent at a retreat – ah, the bliss of it!) Now we’re back in SD still doing ‘things’ to get ready to return south in a week or so.

What has been most interesting is noticing the changes in me since having moved to Baja back in July. I see differently. What once seemed to hold fascination or was off-putting, no longer is. I am willing to go to new places, within and without; I am letting go of old paradigms and moving ahead.  And it is very freeing.

As we drove north from Punta Abreojos at the beginning of October, these changes became apparent to me. Where once I might have seen squalor, and judged it as such, I now saw potential, vibrancy and heart. Plazas were festooned with colorful flags celebrating Mexico and her inhabitants. There were orange churches, screaming pink houses, a building with purple turrets, a soft pastel pink YMCA and stores that simply could not be missed for the riot of color out front. What a visual feast! I felt like I was seeing with fresh eyes. Old judgments had dropped and I could breathe. When had I become so intolerant of other lifestyles and choices? At what point had I steeled my heart to not feel openly, with passion and unconditional love? I never knew I had carried such protective armor within.

Arriving in SD we went right to work to take care of various ‘to-dos’ on the list, just to whittle it down somewhat before leaving on the 13^th for Hawaii. I have participated in Weston Jolly’s Hawaii Retreat now for 5 years and I cherish the opportunity each time to open further and grow, and of course this year was no exception. The assistance to dig deeper within and really take accountability for all my choices is something that I am ever grateful for. (Thank you Wes, Karen and all the participants!)

So the 1^st week on Kauai we ‘retreated’ while the 2^nd week was spent snorkeling, reading, hiking, and general enjoyment. But interestingly, for the 1^st time ever, both Robert and I were ready to leave before our scheduled departure. As beautiful as Hawaii is, with the luscious greens and vibrant flora everywhere, it no longer felt the same. Looking carefully at it, I could see that part of the draw of Hawaii had been that I’m on the beach, with blue skies and spectacular cloud formations overhead and I can go jump in the water anytime, it’s so warm. But now I live on the beach, with all those exceptional qualities! (Albeit not with the lush plant life….) Somehow it just didn’t feel as exciting as before.  So I spent a week in heartfelt gratitude for such wonderful opportunities and said good bye to the island. I have gained so much there and I now am ready to move on to new experiences, new places.

And that is kind of how San Diego feels, too.  I do so love my friends here and am grateful for the chance to check in and exchange hugs. Restocking supplies is easy and plentiful here, but the draw to stay – no that is gone. I wondered how I would feel when I returned. Now I know. I am ready to drive south to our casita on the beach, my studio, my paints and to new adventure. There is so much more to being than I ever dreamed imaginable and I choose to explore this! What a joy this life is!

So forgive me, please, if I have been long winded. I just had to let you know where I have been, and why you’ve not heard from me in some time. Certainly it is not for lack of caring, oh no! Many is the time that I have stopped and thought, “I have to write about that!” but I didn’t take my computer with me to Hawaii. I just needed to step aside and check in deeply. And now that I have, get ready, I’m going to adventure!